Advice & Information to Help you through the Healing Process
Flashbacks
Flashbacks are memories that are intruding on your present, and can feel very real. People experience flashbacks in different ways, and some feel them more than others. Flashbacks can be pictures, sounds, smells, feelings or numbness, or a combination of two or more of these. You may smell something and have feelings or numbness associated with that smell, or you may hear something and see a picture that goes with that sound, or you may have a picture, the smells, sounds and feelings all together. Flashbacks do not have to a picture, sound or smell, you may feel panicky or trapped, but not know why. You may also find you suffer from flashbacks whilst asleep, during dreams. You may still be aware of the world around you in the here and now as you experience this flashback, or you may lose touch with the now and feel as though you are in the past. You may find that not all your flashbacks are the same. However you experience your flashbacks, they can be extremely frightening during and after the experience.
Knowing more about flashbacks, may help you to begin to cope with them, so below you will find information on understanding flashbacks, and information on coping with flashbacks.
Understanding Flashbacks
During your abuse it was necessary to protect yourself from the emotional and physical horrors, and in order to survive you looked the memories inside, and were not or did not express the feelings and thoughts you felt during the abuse. These feelings and thoughts remain locked inside until a 'trigger' releases them into the present.
When they are released, it can be as though you are experiencing the abuse again in the present, and you lose touch with reality. The feelings, body sensations and thoughts can feel more frightening as they do relate to the reality of the present, and you may not know what triggered them.
Often you will feel out of control of the situation, yourself and your feelings, and as though the memories are taking control of your life. You may even begin to think you are going crazy, and be too afraid to tell anyone what is happening to you or seek support.
It is natural to start avoiding situations, places or people that you believe are 'triggering' the flashbacks. Some people experience flashbacks due to any form of sexual contact, or the way a person looks at them, or they way they speak or behave, or another person's anger. The sexual contact, or the other person may be reminding them of the abuse or the person that abused them.
As flashbacks are memories that have been locked away, sometimes they will be things that have never been remembered before. Please be reassured that you are not going crazy, flashbacks are normal. They are a recognised part of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, or the Rape Trauma Syndrome.
Although flashbacks are frightening and it may seem as though you are suffering more, your memories are being released for a reason. You are remembering them now so that you can make sense of the past, and so you can heal from your experiences.
As you heal, the flashbacks will get less and there are ways of coping that have helped many other people.
Coping with Flashbacks
The list below contains some ideas that may help you to cope with flashbacks. Please don't be disheartened if the first idea you try does not work, we are all individuals and different things work for different people. Please do try some of the other ideas, or a combination of more than one until you find what works for you.
- Tell yourself you are having a flashback and that this is okay and very normal in people who were traumatised as children or as adults.
- Remind yourself that the worst is over - it happened in the past, it is not happening now. The child or person inside you who was abused is giving you these memories to use in your healing and, however terrible you feel, you survived the awfulness then, which means you can survive and get though what you are remembering now.
- Call on the 'adult' part of yourself to tell your 'child' that she is not alone, not in any danger now and that you will help her to get though this. Let your child self know it's okay to remember and to feel what she feels and that this will help her in healing from what had happened to her. However hard it is for you, she is communicating in the only way she can.
- Try some of these ways of 'grounding' yourself and becoming more aware of the present. When you were being abused you could not get away, now you can.
- Stamp your feet, grind them around on the floor to remind yourself where you are now.
- Look around the room, noticing the colours, the people, the shapes of things.
- Listen to the sounds around you: the traffic, voices, the washing machine, etc….
- Feel your body, the boundary of your skin, your clothes, the chair or floor supporting you.
- Have an elastic band to hand (or on your wrist) - you can 'ping' it against your wrist and feel it on your skin - that feeling is in the now, the things you are re-experiencing were in the past.
- Take care of your breathing: breathe deeply down to your diaphragm; put your hand there (just above your navel) and breathe so that your hand gets pushed up and down. You can also count - to 5 - as you breathe out and in. When we get scared we breathe too quickly and shallowly and our body begins to panic. Breathing slowly and deeply will stop the panic.
- If you have lost a sense of where you end and the rest of the world begins, rub your body so you can feel its edges, the boundary of you. Wrap yourself in a blanket, feel it around you.
- Get support if you would like it. Let people close to you know about the flashbacks so they can help if you want them to. That might mean holding you, talking to you, helping you to reconnect with the present, to remember you are safe and cared for now.
- Flashbacks are powerful experiences, which drain your energy. Take time to look after yourself when you have had a flashback. You could have a warm, relaxing bath or a sleep, a warm drink, play some soothing music or just take some quiet time for yourself. Your 'child' and you deserve being taken care of, given all you went through in the past.
- When you feel ready, write down all you can remember about the flashback and how you got through it. This will help you to remember information for your healing and to remind you that you did get through it (and can again). It will help you to identify the 'triggers' that cause the flashbacks, and help you gain a deeper understanding of why they are happening, and what they are trying to tell you.
- Find a competent therapist, or join a self help group - it is a healing thing to share your process with others who understand so deeply what you are going through. A therapist can be a guide, a support a coach in this healing process. You do not have to do it alone ever again.
Remember you are not crazy - Flashbacks are normal and you are healing.